With the taste of your lips I'm on a ride
by Red Candies
Summary: "The blonde was like a slave, and she actually was okay with it. She let an open door and Annalise gladly took it, but maybe it was time to change that. There was still a way to fix their relationship, and it started with Annalise being here for her friend." - Missing scene from 3x03.


Hello! This is my first at attempt at writting a How to Get Away with Murder fic (well this is a OS). Of course I've decided to write about Bonnalise, because I love Bonnie and I would love to see the two fix their relationship. No rating M because there's nothing more than sleep, but the rating T is for references of child abuse. The scene takes place during 3x03, just after Bonnie left the house crying and tired because of the case. You may see mistakes as English is not my mother-tongue, I'm always open for correction!

Enjoy! :)

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A very tired Bonnie always meant a very emotional Bonnie. Today had been challenging and it was the second case in a row that hit too close to home. It wasn't a surprise for Annalise to see the blonde cry in front of her and, as the night went further, she worried more and more about her friend. She shouldn't have left Bonnie go home, not alone at least, not with the dark thoughts that were plaguing her mind.  
It seemed like their relationship was starting to get better, being free from murder and from the K5 during the summer has left them alone for a while and Annalise and Bonnie spent a lot of time talking and laughing, exactly like the good old days, before everything started to become unhealthy between the two. So maybe the black woman should have insisted to keep the blonde at home, to show her she was here, she wasn't giving up on her this time. Instead, she just watched Bonnie leave, her own mind too busy trying to process the amount of alcohol she drank. She knew how difficult the night was going to be for Bonnie: a night full of nightmares and memories, a night made of self-loathing and shame. How many nights did Annalise spend with those thoughts herself? She was the only person capable of understanding what Bonnie went through right now. So why did she let her go home alone?

"Annalise please stop thinking and go do whatever you have to do. I can't sleep."

Nate's voice came as a surprise. Lost in her thoughts and worries, Annalise almost forgot that she was in her bed with Nate next to her. She turned on the lights, casting a shy smile full of excuses and got up to put her clothes on.

"Sorry, I need to go to Bonnie's. Is it okay if I spend the rest of the night with her?"  
"No, go. She needs you I understand."

Nate kissed Annalise and went back to sleep, still wondering why the hell would Bonnie need Annalise at 1am. He had learn with time that the two of them had a very complicated relationship but their bond was more powerful than anyone's. So if Nate struggled a lot to tolerate Sam at some point, he never said anything about Bonnie and always let Annalise go to her anytime she needed it. He once asked the woman if she ever slept with Bonnie, but he never got a proper answer and decided to ignore the problem.

Annalise was angry at herself for letting Bonnie alone. There was a time where she wouldn't have even thought of it, caring for the other woman as if she were her own child. With time Bonnie grew more and more confident, she almost didn't need Annalise's protection anymore even though she craved for her attention. The blonde almost never broke down now, at least not in front of anyone, so maybe Annalise took the improvement for granted. Maybe at some point she forgot where was Bonnie coming from and that was when their toxic relationship started. Bonnie was submissive because all she ever knew was submission. Annalise wanted to feel powerful, in control and the two fitted together. The blonde was like a slave, and she actually was okay with it. She let an open door and Annalise gladly took it, but maybe it was time to change that. There was still a way to fix their relationship, and it started with Annalise being here for her friend.

She parked in front of Bonnie's, took her keys and pushed the front door. Bonnie gave her a spare key in case of emergency, but Annalise used it more than she would admit it. She used to spend nights here when neither Sam nor Nate wanted her, because she knew that Bonnie would never throw her out. Sometimes she even stayed for days so they could wrap up a case without being bothered by Sam and all the students that went by.

"Bonnie, are you there?"

The lights were off and Annalise was quite surprised by the silence of the house. Maybe she worried about nothing after all and Bonnie was far asleep, dreaming about everything but her father. The woman sighed, ready to go back to Nate and catch some deserved sleep. But when she started moving, she heard a sound. It was subtle and weak, but she heard it. She stopped, focusing on the silence. Another noise came, louder this time. It came from upstairs and it took only few seconds for Annalise to understand that it was Bonnie. More moans filled up the silence but it wasn't from pleasure.

"No please I don't want to, please."

Bonnie's voice was so weak that it broke Annalise's heart. She was right after all, Bonnie was having nightmares. The lawyer opened the door of Bonnie's bedroom only to find the woman tangled in her sheets, her body shivering and tears streaming down her face. She was in pain, a real one which has never really left her since the monster touched her for the first time. Annalise knew exactly what to do, memories of their first years together plaguing her mind. Bonnie had so many nightmares when she was a student that Annalise witnessed it a lot, not matter if she wanted it or not. She kneelt in front of Bonnie's bed, her face almost touching the blonde's one. Annalise put her hand on the wet cheeks and started shaking the other woman.

"Bonnie wake up, it's okay you're safe you have to wake up!"

It took a moment for Bonnie to wake up completely, her eyes wide open in alert. Her breathe was uneven and she had to turn on the light to calm down a little.

"A-Annalise? What are you doing here?"

Maybe she was still dreaming, because there was no logical reason to explain the presence of the woman. But her nightmares usually never transformed in her fantasies.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, I shouldn't have left you alone."  
"I'm okay. At least, I will be tomorrow. You shouldn't have come."

She would never admit it, but Bonnie was actually glad to see her friend here. She was so tired of being alone and nightmares weren't good to deal with alone.

"I'm sorry Annalise" she said as she noticed her wet cheeks, "I'm sorry I'm not strong enough."

After Annalise lost her baby, Bonnie decided to never bother her again with her problems. She hid for a while her nightmares, her panic attacks, her weakness. She pretended to be strong enough so Annalise would take care of herself. She had few breakdowns that have been unavoidable but otherwise she did well. Until now, and she was ashamed.

"Hey it's okay, we all have our moments. You've seen me cry more than anyone in the world, I think I can be here for you."

She took the blonde's hand and squeezed it gently. Of course the gesture made Bonnie jump, still shaken by her dream.

"Do you still have your sleeping spills? It could help you tonight."  
"No I-I don't. They make me dizzy and I don't want pills. I will.. I will go back to sleep. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

She wasn't fine and she would never be. But it was the least she could say for Annalise, because she knew the woman wasn't fine either.

"I can stay with you, if you want."

Annalise knew that her presence always calmed down Bonnie and she figured it out after only few nightmares. All the blonde needed was protection and it seemed that Annalise could offer it. Bonnie started to shake her head, but as flashes from her nightmare came, she nodded, not letting go of Annalise's hand. She placed herself at the edge of the bed in a more comfortable position as she watched Annalise undress, to only keep her underwear and her shirt. Annalise joined Bonnie, facing her.

"I never wanted to do it Annalise, I swear" the blonde said with a broken voice, "I know honey, I know. It wasn't your fault."

She had say this maybe a hundred of times and Bonnie never completely believed her. But as a victim of abuse too, she understood why Bonnie blamed herself. She blamed herself too, thinking about how she could have avoided what happened to her. Maybe if she hadn't look at her uncle in some way at some point, he would never have come into her room. Maybe. But she would repeat it to Bonnie until their end if she had to, because of course the blonde wasn't the one to blame. Annalise came closer, wiping away tears that were still escaping Bonnie's eyes. She wished she could take away her pain, but for now all she could do was soothing it.

"I missed you", Bonnie said after a while, her body finally relaxed.  
"I missed you too. Now sleep, I'll be here if you need me."

"Don't worry I don't think my dreams are going to be so stressful anymore." Bonnie smiled, drifting into a more enjoyable sleep. After a while, Annalise placed a gentle kiss on Bonnie's mouth, tasting her lips but not for the first time.

"I hope so."

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I hope you liked it, see you! :)


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